Soul Care with One Another
by Mary Elsbury
I have always been fascinated by ancestry. A few years ago, I was able to trace one side of my family tree back to a person that served in the Revolutionary War. On the other side, I found individuals that go back to the 1500s in England and Ireland, one of whom was a horse thief!
Whether we were raised in a family we are proud of or one we don’t get along with, our family life is a specific culture that leaves its imprint on us. We are unique, one-of-a-kind individuals that were created by God. We bring our own learned habits, preferences, communication styles, ways of expressing emotion, and so much more from our families into relationships. You may wish you had someone else’s talents, or someone else’s life. That’s understandable, as we tend to play the comparison game and get sucked into society’s view of “success” rather than God’s.
We’re all messy humans, so there are times when relationships get complicated. If you are part of a biological family or a family of choice, what fuels our relationships is kind, generous, authentic connection. It is paramount for Christians to focus on what Jesus told His disciples in John 15: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
There are times when we wound someone or rub them the wrong way. We get irritated that someone gets a better job, a new car, bigger house. We get critical when things don’t go our way. We find new friends that hold the same religious or political views. We argue with family over trivial things.
Love is the key. We need to learn to love like Jesus loved – the broken, poor, wealthy, shunned, liars – He sought out relationships with all of them. And so should we. Scripture is filled with examples that can shape healthy relationships and help them thrive. Here are a few:
Love one another (Romans 13:8; 1 John 3:11).
Encourage one another (Hebrews 3:13;1 Thessalonians 4:18; 5:11).
Be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:31-32).
Accept one another (Romans 14:1-4; 15:7).
Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32).
Pray for one another (James 5:16).
Belong to one another (1 Corinthians 12:24-25; 2 Corinthians 13:11).
Teach one another (Colossians 3:16).
Look out for one another (Philippians 2:4).
Putting the “one-anothers” into action isn’t easy. Consider one of them that you feel is a little lacking in your relationships. Maybe you need to be more empathetic or encouraging. Do you have issues with praying for someone? C.S. Lewis was right on the mark when he said, “It’s much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see him.” Try practicing that specific “one another” every day for two weeks. At the end of the time frame, take note of any differences in your life, attitude, and relationships. What did you do to make changes happen?
These “one another” statements are exemplified by Jesus through the grace He gives to each of us. Grace is “unmerited favor” that implies unconditional love and acceptance. True relationships are ones where we lean into kindness, forgiveness, teaching, community, and love, without comparison or jealousy.
We all come from an ancestry that has dysfunctional aspects. Maybe you don’t have a horse thief in the family, but you probably have individuals that didn’t have every relationship figured out. We need to learn what Jesus taught. Scripture is the tool and guidebook so we can model Christian living for others. We will soon discover how God wants us to love, so we can go and do likewise.
